Beer Can Bob

February 22, 2006
By: C.Whyte

Every once in a while campaign trails do not go as smoothly as planned. New entrants enter the race and try to spam the net with unreliable resources, noobies try to become big shots, and nasty rumors begin to spread like DY's hot tub virus, but none of which have ever been that bad... until now. Sites like "Robin Weirauch For Congress" (sonovagh bitch) and other pathetic attempts to take a shot at the government have always been laughed at in the back of my mind, but today I found a real competitor. Who is this mystery man you ask?

None other than Beer Can Bob! How can a traveling beer can compete with the likes of C.Whyte himself you may ask? The answer is complex, but the shortened version is that the beer can has more friends than I do. With 7 registered users on Beer Can Bob's website, my four regulars are overpowered.

So what's so special about this beer can? For some reason, he has me worried. Beer Can Bob is offering free advertising via means of a link placement on his link page for submitting a picture of you with the candidate. Who goes through the trouble of doing that??? I mean seriously, are there really people out there who sit at home and make replica can's for the purpose of taking a picture with it at a remote destination? It's pretty lame if you ask me, but a genious marketing idea.

I am now going to analize this beer can and see if it can compete with the likes of us 'big boys' in the campaign trail (myself included).

First up, let's check out Dennis Kucinich. Kucinich straight up has a lame website, wich can be found here: http://www.kucinich.us/. The reason this site in particular is so lame is mainly due to the fact that his strange looking head is shown twice just two and a half inches apart from each other. Now I'm not knocking Kucinich because of his goofy looking head, I'm knocking him on his lack of support for my personal campaign.
Speaking of which, the moment of truth has arrived: Beer Can Bob vs. C.Whyte!

We all know that I am reliable and have a rediculously sexy website, but what about good old Bob over there? Well, his site is rather "ok" (Seen Here) but it lacks one crutial thing: Heart... and maybe a little bit of hope. Yes, that's right, as the saying goes "you gotta have hope (and sometimes a little heart to go along with it)." Without this a website is just a webLAMEsite and a webpage is a webEMBARASSMENT.

I gotta hand it to the Beer can though, you gave me quite the scare. Fortunately for me, and by me I mean America as a whole, your qualifications are second rate. And as we all are aware of, there can only be one president, and Bob, I'm sorry to say, it's not going to be you.