Floor Food

November 11, 2005
By: CT

I roll into work with the customary five minute lateness that I usually arrive with at any location. Parties, movies, classes, perhaps a few dates; you know, the works. I decided to bring my cereal in with me in a Tupperware container with some milk also in said container. Cereal of choice: HBoO. For those of you not familiar with the acronym, what the hey.

Of course it stands for Honey Bunches of Oats.

So I stroll in and give the usual "Hey how was your night?... Long version? No short version, I can't stand your voice" routine. Two girls I work with notice I brought my breakfast with me. One says, "Hey isn't it a little late to be eating breakfast?"

I simply stare at her, then reply, "It's 930… am… why would it be too late?"

Girl 1: "Becauuuuussseeee, umm I dunno"

Me: "Good anyways---" then I get viciously interrupted

Girl 2: "Whoa, is that cereal?"

Me: "No it's my homework, I need to catch up."

*pause noticing perhaps they might believe me*

"Of course it's cereal, what the hell else would it be?"

Girl 2: "Pouridge"

Me: "What?"

Girl 1: "Yeah it does look like Pouridge kinda, right?"

Girl 2: "Yeah because it's sorta soupy"

Me: "Wait, did you just say Pouridge? Who eats pouridge? Isn't that extinct?"

Girl 2: "It isn't an animal, duh"

Me: "Sigh, thanks for filling me in"

Girl 2: "Let me see that"

She then rips the container out of my hands, much to my amazement because I'm a big Italian kid, and no one messes with a big Italian kid's food.

Girl 2: "Huh, that's weird…"

she then turns the container over.

Me: As my HBoO begins to leak out, "Whoa, what the hell, do you mind?"

Girl 2: "It's only a few drops, chill out"

---Pause in action, who says chill out, and why didn't I call her on that---

Me: "Sorry I didn't intend to eat off the floor, put some on the desk too while your at it"

Girl 1: "It's only a few drops"

Me: "A few drops doesn't create a puddle"

They look down and notice about a third of my breakfast is now laying helpless on the floor, never to be turned into poop about 45 minutes later.

Me: "Ahhhh man, sometimes…. you guys can be morons"

Girl 2: "Whooooa, moooorrrroooonnn, oooooo, don't mess with the Oxman's cereal"

Oxman is my nickname… because I'm a big Italian kid.

Me: "Damn straight" I then chop one in the neck and Tombstone Piledrive the other through a table. "See this is why no one respects the WNBA, women can't put up a fight"

Okay so maybe I exaggerated the ending, but still, who messes around with someone's breakfast. I can see lunch, but not the most important meal of the day, right?