Stalling

July 15, 2005
By Tim

It all began this morning when i came to work at my usual 8am in te morning(already brutal i know). anyways, it was friday and hence the greatest day of my week because it was donut day. i drop my stuff off at my desk and pick up my cup to go make some hot tea(lipton of course, and yes charles, i did put sugar in it). With my cup in hand, i make a b line for the cafeteria to rumage through the boxes of donuts. However, to my terrible surprise, the donuts had already been totally ravaged. i nearly broke down in tears. then, only seconds later, i saw the immaculately gorgeous crum donut just starring up at me. so i made my hot tea and grabbed my donut and took it back to my desk.

i navigated 3 doors that had to be manually opened(ie handle) while having scortching hot tea and donut in my hands. After quickly annialating my morning treat, it hit me. i huuuuuge ball of gas smacked my gut like a punch to the stomach. i felt safe in my cube so i let out a few squeekers and sbd's(silent but deadly's). this was working all fine and well until i hit "that" point. the point where gas just isnt enough. the point where your body says "get your ass up and move". i take it that you know what i mean. (i had to take a monster deuce).

so i hot tail it for the bathroom only to realize that my favorite stall, "the handicap stall" is taken(o man is it taken). and dont let the name fool you, there is nothing handicap about my shit taking abilities. So of course i use my bathroom savy and take the stall to the far right, with only on in between me and the handicap stall(just to paint the picture). So there i am and it is go time.

for the next few minutes me and the other guy have an unproclaimed battle for who can take the loudest/smelliest/worst feeling dookie. i would have to say it was close to a draw, with myself maybe a bit lacking in the volume department. it was so nasty though, the whole time i was debating calling up DY and leaving it on his voicemail.(ya you know dy had to make it in here somehow). So now i am done and i am just about to leave the comfort of my stall when two more guys walk in. i hate leaving when i have just stunk it up and people enter, because for one they will know it was you fo sure. two you have to either give them the "head nod" or the "hey how you doing".

Although it is fun using the line "im better now, or "well i just got a dead animal out of me" in response to "how you doing". so i decide to avoid all this and sit in my stall a bit longer. "stalling" if you will. i wonder if that is how that term came to be about. anyways, one of the two guys takes a urinal and the other one takes the frowned upon middle stall. The guy at the urinal lets loose with the piss farts(all guys know this). these were some of the most cartoony farts i have ever heard.

So as i am sitting there, red faced from holding my laughter, the guy on my right, in the center stall, lets loose on his porcelain attacking missles. so now im busting up almost three times as bad, it almost made me shit/pee my pants(which would have been convieniant due to my location). i somehow hold my self together until the pisser leaves. with the middle guy and handicap guy still plugging away. i make my swift exit to the sink, where i washed my hands(i actually did!). then i make a speedy exit outta there, trying not to carpet drag the smell with me. This is the end of my tale. it is 100% true and pretty gross. this is the end of my first ever story for the cwhyte empire.