Thanksgiving Shmanksgiving

November 25, 2005
By: C.Whyte

Thanksgiving just passed the other day and it seems as though nobody really cared this year. Why do people care so much about Thanksgiving? You don't get any presents or even very much time off (one day, thanks a lot), so why make a big deal about it?

From what I have heard, it sounds as though most people do NOT like spending that much time with their entire family and end up eating more food than the recommended daily servings for a pregnant baboon. Why celebrate the day when the colonialists had a feast with the Native Americans? I didn't get a holiday named after me when I brunched with Daved Aimes (take THAT Aimes… and your stupid tribe).

To me, Thanksgiving is a "heads up" that Christmas is right around the corner, and that is a serious warning. Billions of dollars are spent each year on Christmas presents, none of which can be attributed from me. Well, that's a lie, but I do try to shop thrifty for others' presents.

Why is this? It's because I don't want to spend a bunch of money on junk that people are going to return anyways. That's right, I said it. We all know that you return your Xmas presents when no one is looking. If you didn't then why would stores print out 'gift receipts'? Incase you "got the wrong size?" YEAH RIGHT! Why don't people just give money instead of presents? I'd be into that.

Someone would walk up to you and say: "hey, what did you get for Christmas this year?" and you could slyly reply: "a couple Benjamin's… BAM!" How great would that sound?

But back to Thanksgiving.

What is the real deal with it? What is the point of a Thanksgiving card? What in the world could you possibly put in a card like that? "Hey, happy Thanksgiving… I'm not sure what else to put in this card… In fact I'm not too sure what Thanksgiving even is…What do you want me to get you for Christmas?"

Plus I noticed that this year there was an amazing abundance of text messages flying around with the generic message: "Happy Thanksgiving."

What are you supposed to do when you get one of those? Reply: "Thank you. It is quite the holiday" or "Agreed."

That would make for an awkward conversation later. Moral of the story, don't trust any holiday that begins with the letter "T" except of course if some other holiday comes around that happens to start with that letter.

Happy thanksgiving!